


Pilar Salazar's Inevitable Truths

by jenniferwrites



Category: Love Victor (TV 2020)
Genre: F/F, Milar, One-Sided Attraction, Pilar/Mia, Pining, post-Season 1, wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:28:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24810835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenniferwrites/pseuds/jenniferwrites
Summary: "Pilar was a lot of things, but she wouldn’t lie to herself. Sure, she denied things, but she didn’t lie. Denying was just holding off inevitable truths. There was nothing wrong with holding off."In which Pilar listens to "She" by Dodie and realizes that one of her inevitable truths is in the form of a person--a girl, to be more specific.
Relationships: Pilar Salazar/Mia Brooks
Comments: 8
Kudos: 52





	Pilar Salazar's Inevitable Truths

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to "She" by Dodie

Pilar Salazar did not listen to sappy music and that was that.

Why would she trade the likes of The Pretty Reckless, Bikini Kill, Billie Eilish, PUP, Unleash the Archers, and The Frights for something less…angry? Pilar was a lot of things, but she wouldn’t lie to herself. Sure, she _denied_ things, but she didn’t lie. Denying was just holding off inevitable truths. There was nothing wrong with holding off.

But back to the music—Pilar preferred listening to angry, loud music. Music that was loud enough to drown out the world around her.

Drown out the “hushed” arguments between her parents in the kitchen or their bedroom. Drown out the feelings Pilar buried deep down—feelings like missing lame ass Texas, missing her old, lame friends, her lame family members, and the lame ass fluttering her heart did whenever she smelled the faint scent of floral perfume. Or the way her lame heart soared at seeing the way a girl smiled at her. Shiny, fruit flavored lip gloss and all. 

Pilar held off all this lameness with intense drum solos, shredding guitars, and passionate screaming. The act of holding something, even if it wasn’t something tangible, felt safe to Pilar.

So, yes, holding off her inevitable truths was the safer option. It kept her together—shit, it _held_ her together.

The only things Pilar would keep hold of would be her piercings, her anger, and her loud, drowning music.

__________________

Pilar did not change and that was that.

Why would she need to change anything about herself or the things she did? If the system she had kept in place had worked for so long, then why change it? Thankfully, she had parents that liked to test that out for her. Moving from Texas to Atlanta, Georgia meant that Pilar needed a new system to hold on to. A place, specifically enough. 

Back in Texas, Pilar’s system was Eric. Pilar loved Eric, well, as closest to love as she could get. Pilar wasn’t sure she was equipped to love someone—much less an emotionally unavailable guy like Eric. She liked being around him, though. They had similar tastes in music, had souls drowning in teen angst and frustration, and had a perfect rhythm of never questioning each other’s silence. They hid away in Eric’s treehouse for hours on end listening to endless headbanging albums and finding comfort in each other’s presence.

Pilar’s mistake was trusting a person to help run her system. She figured that despite the move, she’d still have Eric. Even if it was his silence while they listened to music, but she’d still have something to hold to and not feel like she was standing out in the open with her inevitable truths right in front of her. No, Eric would be standing in front of those truths and holding them off for a little longer.

But long distance wasn’t for Eric. Not even close distance was, but Pilar had been okay with that. Needing to find a new system, though? Pilar wasn’t okay with that.

She found it, though. It wasn’t a person she clung to this time, but a place.

Brasstown—the coffee shop that Victor worked at. Pilar would usually start her day with getting ready, spending the day at school as a loner (while sitting with her brother and his friends—hers too, sorta), and then heading straight to Brasstown with Victor while he worked his shift. She’d do homework there, listen to music, drink endless amounts of coffee, and sometimes even people watch. If she wasn’t hiding in her room, she was here in this lame ass coffee shop, with lame ass sappy music, and lame ass coffee.

It worked. The system worked, and there was nothing getting in the way of Pilar holding off from her inevitable truths just a little bit longer.

That is, until her headphones suddenly stopped working and she was forced to face the music. The sappy, easy listening music that Brasstown played day and night like torture.

Pilar had never really listened to the music the coffee shop played because she had never found a reason to. Her headphones were there to drown everything out. Whatever was happening outside of her blaring headphones didn’t matter.

Until now.

When it wasn’t The Lumineers, it was Jack Johnson. When it wasn’t Jack Johnson it was Mumford Sons. And when it wasn’t Mumford Sons it was Colbie Caillat and that _stupid_ “Bubbly” song that Pilar was sick of after having listened to it for the third time that afternoon.

Pilar was sure she’d never succumb to truly listening to this lame ass sappy music. It was just another painfully basic acoustic guitar playing that Pilar was five seconds away from tuning out of her mind when the opening lyrics struck her—a British girl’s soft voice singing:

_Am I allowed to look at her like that?_

Something about those lyrics intrigued Pilar.

  1. A girl was singing about another girl
  2. It wasn’t a diss track, either.
  3. The girl sounded terrified—like she was sharing an inevitable truth of hers in the form music.



_Could it be wrong, when she’s just so nice to look at?_

Pilar couldn’t help but lean back against her chair and furrow her eyebrows as she succumbed herself to listening— _really_ listening—to a song that maybe didn’t have a screaming singer, but it was a singer that was making noise. Noise a little too loud for Pilar’s taste—and she never had a limit to loudness before.

_She smells like lemongrass and sleep_

_She tastes like apple juice and peach_

_You would find her in a Polaroid picture_

_And she means everything to me_

Pilar listened to the rest of the song intently. As soon as she got home, she searched up the song in her new, functioning headphones and listened to the song again.

It was titled “She” by Dodie.

Pilar listened to the song over and over again for the rest of the night.

__________________

Pilar did not get attached and that was that.

Well, that is, until this stupid Dodie song took over her listening playlist.

For some reason, Pilar couldn’t stop listening to this stupid fucking song. She even found herself _humming_ it. Pilar was not one to hum. Even her parents and siblings were side eyeing when she was humming the chorus of the song while fixing herself a bowl of cereal in the morning.

“Someone’s got a skip to their step this morning, don’t you think?” her mother commented with a teasing grin.

Pilar responded with an eyeroll. 

It was just a catchy song—everyone got sucked into those earworm type of songs. This song was probably one of those.

“Consider the skipping over.” Pilar mumbled with a scowl, sitting on the table and putting on her headphones without another word.

The bus ride to school was spent as it had been the past few days—listening to that stupid “She” song and wondering why is it that Pilar couldn’t stop listening to it.

That question was answered during Pilar’s lunch period when she sat out on the courtyard alone instead of with Victor and his friends. She preferred to be alone than with people she didn’t particularly care for—well, Pilar did have her exceptions.

Like Mia, who was coming up to her instead of sitting with Lake and her friends. It was odd considering everything. Mia still wasn’t talking to Victor after everything that went down between them, so Pilar figured she was on that list of people Mia wasn’t going to talk to as well.

“Are you okay with having company?” Mia spoke up, giving Pilar that soft, gentle smile that made Pilar feel weirdly fluttery.

Pilar shrugged as she took off an earbud. “Are you okay with me being that company?”

Mia nodded. “There’s no hard feelings between us, Pilar. You know that, right?” Mia sat down next to Pilar, unwrapping a granola bar that was in her backpack.

Pilar shrugged again. “I figured after…you know…”

Mia’s smile tightened and she nodded once. “Right.” she paused. “Well, there isn’t. I figured we bonded. Or am I just making a complete fool of myself?”

Pilar shook her head. “Save the foolery for someone like Felix.”

Mia chuckled and nodded. “He does have a tendency for that.” Mia’s eyes scanned down to one of Pilar’s earbuds hanging down beside the other girl. “Whatcha listening to?”

Pilar felt her heart race when she realized she wasn’t listening to her usual loud, heavy rock music. “Oh—uh—nothing—”

“Can I listen?” Mia asked, taking the earbud and placing in her ear without a thought. Mia expected to be met with the usual heavy rock music Pilar loved to listen to that Mia pretended to like for Pilar’s sake. But she was met with a simple acoustic guitar and a gentle voice singing what appeared to be romantic lyrics.

“It came up on my Spotify.” Pilar let out a nervous laugh. “It’s nothing—”

“I like it.” Mia turned to Pilar with a soft smile. “It sounds nice.”

Pilar gulped and nodded as the two of them listened to rest of the song in silence as Mia ate her granola bar and Pilar picked off blades of grass from the ground. Once the song finished, Mia turned to look at Pilar again.

“We should do this again.”

“Do what?”

“Listen to music together.” Mia clarified. “I’ll even bring an extra granola bar for you.” she offered.

For some reason, Pilar really liked that idea. It sounded nice.

But it was a new system that Pilar didn’t come up with. A system Pilar had no control over and could easily be ripped from her because it didn’t come from her.

It came from Mia.

And…Pilar had nothing or no one standing in front of one of her inevitable truths that she had been holding off for a while now.

She liked Mia.

She liked Mia a whole fucking lot.

She liked Mia ever since Victor’s sixteenth birthday party when Mia came to her room and Mia made Pilar feel less angry over the whole ordeal with her parents. Mia was the only one that made her feel okay about being angry. Everyone else always thought she was being overly dramatic, but never Mia. Mia let her be angry and listen to her angry music and sit there with Pilar.

Mia didn’t stand between Pilar and her inevitable truths. She just stood next to Pilar while Pilar faced them.

But this was different. Mia was one of Pilar’s inevitable truths. And something about Mia finding out scared the living shit out of Pilar. This was a new emotion for her—being scared.

“Sure.” Pilar nodded, trying her best to keep a straight face even though she was excited at the idea of Mia and her sharing headphones and listening to music and eating granola bars. She never felt this kind of excitement when she listened to music with Eric.

Mia beamed. “Great! Maybe you can have a different song for me tomorrow? I like this one, though.”

Pilar nodded again. “I can do that.”

Mia smiled. “I can’t wait.” She hummed. “Can you replay that song?”

“Yeah.” Pilar tapped her phone and replayed the song. “I can do that.”

_And I'll be okay_

_Admiring from afar_

_'Cause even when she's next to me_

_We could not be more far apart_

_And she tastes like birthday cake and story time and fall_

_But to her_

_I taste of nothing at all_

_And she smells like lemongrass and sleep_

_She tastes like apple juice and peach_

_Oh, you would find her in a Polaroid picture_

_And she..._

_Means everything to me_

_Yes, she means everything to me_

_She means everything to me_

“This is such a good song.” Mia commented.

Pilar felt herself crack a small smile. “Yeah, it is.”

This new system between the two of them would be the death of Pilar. Because she was starting to think about her inevitable truths, and it was already hurting her. Scaring her. 

  1. She was pretty sure her parents couldn’t handle having _two_ gay kids. Who would want a gay son _and_ a lesbian daughter?
  2. Mia would never look at her that way—she was just Victor’s little sister. And Victor was Mia’s ex-boyfriend—there had to be some kind of code.
  3. Mia made Pilar want to smile. There was rarely anything—or anyone—that had ever given Pilar such an ability.
  4. Pilar loved this Dodie song because it was her reality—Mia was that “She” Dodie sang about. And all Pilar could really do was listen to this song over and over until she forgot about the feeling.
  5. Pilar could never forget the feeling Mia gives her.



“I didn’t peg you to be the type to listen to this kind of music.” Mia teased lightly.

Pilar felt herself blush. “I’m not.” She mumbled.

“Then what do you call this?” Mia chuckled, gesturing to their headphones.

Pilar felt herself internally sigh. “An exception.”

Mia hummed. “I could live with that.”

Pilar couldn’t. But she would learn how to. It was a new system.

The most honest, heartbreaking system Pilar didn’t see coming.

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanted to do some projecting onto Pilar Salazar, haha. I hope you enjoyed this one-shot! I hope I portrayed that lesbian yearning well enough! 
> 
> Take care! 
> 
> Here are my socials: 
> 
> twitter: @doughverIoad (the "L" in doughverload" is an uppercase I!)  
> tumblr: loovelikee-fools


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